Little Things (Except My Hamburger)
When I was getting my port placed (installed? Inserted? "Placed" seems like a weird verb.), I had a fantastic nurse who managed to get an IV in my wrist with minimal pain and was like that favorite aunt in movies who's full of wisdom, but way cooler than mom. She asked about why I was getting the port, and I found out she had cervical cancer about 25 years ago. She said two things that stuck with me:
1. "This is going to feel like a garden hose going into your vein, but I don't want them to have to stick you again, so I'm going with the bigger tube." That was the last IV i had to deal with, so she did good.
2. "Sometimes you have to get out and splurge to remember what you're fighting for."
I'm not sure how I feel about "fighting" cancer. I mean, my body is doing a lot without my knowing it, but all I'm actively doing is showing up and letting medical professionals poke me, give me drugs and radiation, and I try to follow instructions when I get home. It doesn't feel like a fight. It's like a to do list.
When I got up today, I felt good. I took a shower standing up. Usually, washing my hair has involved dunking my hair in the bath water or sitting down under the shower and wishing for more water pressure. For the record, I have a soaking tub, and my faucet doesn't stick out far enough for my head to fit under. I know there are easier ways...just not in my tub.
Anyway, I was jamming out to early 2000's pop music and taking a shower and I even drove to treatment myself (with the boy in the passenger seat, just in case). After treatment, I stopped to pick up skincare stuff at Ulta and we went to Target for Pedialyte (more later) and a really cute cat water bottle. I walked around Target with the cart to lean on in case, and then we went to Five Guy's for lunch. I ate a giant hamburger and my stomach hates me now and IT WAS WORTH IT.
I felt like a human, not a patient, for the first time in a little while.
Don't get me wrong. I'm a bit tired now, and I'm not sure I can do that on a daily basis, but it was nice to remember life before cancer for a bit.
My nurse gave a good reminder that you have to take a break from being sick to enjoy those little human things. I have a stupid amount of water bottles, but this one has cats on it. I got a lunchbox with cats, too. I do need a new lunchbox. Mine is beat up. I'm getting my hair done next week. It's hard to maintain teal hair and I'm getting bored with it, so stay tuned. I think I'm going to do my nails tomorrow.
I know I'm going to have some days coming up where I'm not going to feel like me. Things hurt and sometimes I feel like I'm not even in my own body with all the changes it's been through, but these little things remind me that it's worth it if I get to be normal again someday.